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The Sandwich Theories
This article dedicates itsself to the beliefs and theories of the Creators and all it's followers. General Introduction Before space and time there was nothing, not a single particle or attosecond, just an infinite void. This is referred to in scientific terms as "The Great Hunger". A vast nothingness of nothing, non-existent and never occurring. All this void could do is demand something to still its hunger, a call out for a sandwich. This is more widely known as the "Big Bang". Like a thunderous smack on an enormous table, the demand called forth matter, time, and other stuffs too, startled, stirred into existence by the hunger. And all these newly created everythings formed a giant sandwich, which is now known as the Multiverse. As billions of years passed several events not too different from each other took place all across the Multiverse as pieces of this sandwich sandwiched together into tiny sandwiches which could multiply themselves and feed on other sandwiches. Life was born. As life spread onto land (or not) and evolved intelligence (or not), fewer kept in touch with their inner sandwich. Having lost this natural sense of balance and tasty deliciousness, wars broke out all across the Multiverse. Yet the few who could still contact their inner sandwich, known as "Creators", drew power from all that was around them to construct tools of peace and connectedness. Tools that were created from all different things around them; fire, water, air, ground, plants, animals, and the very depths of time its self. The Creators named these tools "Sandwiches", a word used in every language around the Multiverse, in every culture, its meaning being the very meaning of life. History The prophecy claims that the history of the Sandwich Theories started with the Sandwich Maker from the prophecy, shortly after sandwiches themselves were invented. But it was not until the late Peanut-Butter-Jelly-period that the first scientists started discussing the possibility of a sandwich of Universes; the Multiverse. As discussions passed by, several scientists concluded that indeed everything in their Universe was like a sandwich. Sceptics then claimed that perhaps things did not seem like sandwiches in other Universes. This was of course absolutely bollocks as they were soon sandwiched by two trucks. As knowledge became more accessible throughout the Galaxy, more scientists could debate about their theories, discussing the fine details of the Multiverse. Then, at some point, initiating the Slice-era, a team of explorers found tablets in ancient Mayonai temples in the Unknown Regions, which showed there were people who were still in touch with their Inner Sandwich, describing them as Creators; bringers of joy, life, and cuddly animals served between two slices of bread. It went on about what was known as 'The Great Dust', which made their sandwiches inedible, and led to their eventual extinction, as all were left to feed on was that which was produced by a major fastfood restaurant. The discovery of the tablets lead to a great increase of popularity in the theories of the Sandwich. Many people stepped forward, claiming to be Creators, presenting sandwiches to scientists, all of which were horrid of shape and taste. The true Creators laid back in their homes, keeping back until it was their time to make a sandwich or two, before falling back into the shadows, feeling well about what they did. As such, one of the greater scientists ran into a Creator at a wedding, where the caterer had cancelled, and a young man had stepped forward to offer his sandwich making services. One might ask what a scientist is doing at a wedding, but appearently his sister was getting married, and he had run out of excuses. Throughout the Slice-era many Creators were found and taught the theories of the Sandwich, finally raising a Sandwich University where young Creators could study to aid the enlightenment of the Galaxy. Theories There are several theories that this belief focusses around, all are based on each other. The Prophecy of the Sandwich Maker Douglas Adams, Mostly Harmless, Chapter 13 There is an art to the business of making sandwiches which it is given to few ever to find the time to explore in depth It is a simple task, but the opportunities for satisfaction are many and profound: choosing the right bread for instance. The Sandwich Maker had spent many months in daily consultation and experiment with Grarp the baker and eventually they had between them created a loaf of exactly the consistency that was dense enough to slice thinly and neatly, while still being light, moist and having that fine nutty flavour which best enhanced the savour of roast (...) flesh. There was also the geometry of the slice to be refined: the precise relationships between the width and height of the slice and also its thickness which would give the proper sense of bulk and weight to the finished sandwich: here again, lightness was a virtue, but so too were firmness, generosity and that promise of succulence and savour that is the hallmark of a truly intense sandwich experience. The proper tools, of course, were crucial, and many were the days that the Sandwich Maker, when not engaged with the Baker at his oven, would spend with Strinder the Tool Maker, weighing and balancing knives, taking them to the forge and back again. Suppleness, strength, keenness of edge, length and balance were all enthusiastically debated, theories put forward, tested, refined, and many was the evening when the Sandwich Maker and the Tool Maker could be seen silhouetted against the light of the setting sun and the Tool Maker's forge making slow sweeping movements through the air trying one knife after another, comparing the weight of this one with the balance of another, the suppleness of a third and the handle binding of a fourth. Three knives altogether were required. First there was the knife for the slicing of the bread: a firm, authoritative blade which imposed a clear and defining will on a loaf. Then there was the butter-spreading knife, which was a whippy little number but still with a firm backbone to it. Early versions had been a little too whippy, but now the combination of flexibility with a core of strength was exactly right to achieve the maximum smoothness and grace of spread. The chief amongst the knives, of course, was the carving knife. This was the knife that would not merely impose its will on the medium through which it moved, as did the bread knife; it must work with it, be guided by the grain of the meat, to achieve slices of the most exquisite consistency and translucency, that would slide away in filmy folds from the main hunk of meat. The Sandwich Maker would then flip each sheet with a smooth flick of the wrist on to the beautifully proportioned lower bread slice, trim it with four deft strokes and then at last perform the magic that the children of the village so longed to gather round and watch with rapt attention and wonder. With just four more dexterous flips of the knife he would assemble the trimmings into a perfectly fitting jigsaw of pieces on top of the primary slice. For every sandwich the size and shape of the trimmings were different, but the Sandwich Maker would always effortlessly and without hesitation assemble them into a pattern which fitted perfectly. A second layer of meat and a second layer of trimmings, and the main act of creation would be accomplished. The Sandwich Maker would pass what he had made to his assistant who would then add a few slices of newcumber and fladish and a touch of splagberry sauce, and then apply the topmost layer of bread and cut the sandwich with a fourth and altogether plainer knife. It was not that these were not also skilful operations, but they were lesser skills to be performed by a dedicated apprentice who would one day, when the Sandwich Maker finally laid down his tools, take over from him. It was an exalted position and that apprentice, Drimple, was the envy of his fellows. There were those in the village who were happy chopping wood, those who were content carrying water, but to be the Sandwich Maker was very heaven. And so the Sandwich Maker sang as he worked. The Edge of the Multiverse For as long as scientists have known ab out the Multiverse, they have discussed whether or not there was a boundary to it. Three theories emerged, saying that the Multiverse was either infinitely big, bordered, or infinitely bordered. The first two are easy to understand, either there's only the Multiverse, and no beyond, since there is no end to it, or there is a border to the Multiverse where you can transcend into nothingness, bound to get you suspended in becoming infinite nothingness, since time and space do not exist there. The theory of the infinite bordered Multiverse goes as follows: the Multiverse does have a border, but it is impossible to cross it due to the fact that space-time is curved. It's like travelling along a sphere, though it's not infinite, you can travel along it without running into a border. As such, the Multiverse is not infinite, but you cannot escape it. None of the theories were accepted by the scientists who believed the Multiverse was a giant sandwich. Their idea was that coming to the end of the Multiverse was like finishing the best sandwich ever, after which you knew that though still a bit hungry, if you had another, or one bite of another, you'd never like sandwiches again. And because of this preprogrammed behaviour, one could simply not leave the Multiverse. Those who were stubborn and pushed on came to realize the next time they entered the Multiverse again that they did not like the taste at all, and wanted to throw it out. It explained why space explorers who went out deep into space, went completely bonkers and would come back to harm every form of life in the most painful way they could think of. This theory is widely accepted as the best explenation for the edge of the Multiverse. Way of the Three Knives TBD Roles of the Sandwiches TBD